On Friday, June 6, 2014, Thabo Mbeki gave Paul Biya, at the Unity Palace, the Pan African Union Prize for Peaceful Resolution of Conflicts. On July 9, 2011, Geoffrey Mbaku, one of those people who have deserted their motherland to seek refuge in the USA said: “I believe President Paul Biya deserves the (...) Nobel Peace Prize”.

On June 24, 2014, SCNC’s Ngala Nfor Ngala, published a statement stating that “No one gets the Nobel Peace Prize on the blood of innocent people (...).” In 2011, according to the CPDM Section President for Bamboutos, Paul Biya should have been designated Nobel Peace Prize winner for his peaceful settlement of the dispute over the Bakassi Peninsular. Tikum Mbah Azonga, on September 26, 2011, also waged in stating that: “I sincerely feel that they (Biya and Fru Ndi), ought to have been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for breaking this long and drawn-out deadlock.”

While people are saying peace here, peace there, the International Crisis Group is TB Joshua-ing chaos soon. Yes, Biya solved the Bakassi conflict and all the other petit uprisings here and there with great diplomatic skills. Yes, Biya’s reign has been peaceful - but how peaceful? Does peaceful also refer to more than 50 percent unemployment rate; does it entail hunger, poverty and the other plagues. Anyway, let peace be.

As for that Nobel Peace Prize, it may only be obtained if he steps down and starts a humanitarian or conflict resolution career. So, the war that the Crisis Group is picturing is no option, for only a fool will test the depth of a river with both feet.

Boko Haram is still a thorn in our flesh, the ramifications of the CAR instability is felt in the East. Our territorial integrity is secure but shaky, our army is rusted, the BIR cannot solve all the problems of the Republic.

On July 21, 2010, when Pius Lukong Nyuylime scribbled the article “Cameroon Coffee: 20 years in a comma”, I almost lost a rib in laughter. The coffee and cocoa sectors are shaky. The Ministry of Agriculture is a courtyard now where each Minister comes and goes without results. Ask 70-year-old Kuete what is his balance sheet? Esimi Menye is now in charge and we have heard all kinds of policies. From third generation agriculture, to, I-don’t-know which generation? Hunger is still a reality in some areas of Cameroon.

Before the oil boom, agriculture contributed much to the GDP of Cameroon and was the main export earner. But neglect went on and on. Agriculture employs many Cameroonians. CDC was almost privatised, if not for the tears of the Bakweri man and the thousands of motions of support that crossed the Mungo River. How many people know there is an agriculture school in Binguela?

Irad has recorded significant progress but their findings are not sufficiently popularised. There are agriculture schools in Bambili, Ebolowa, Maroua, Bafang, Abong Mbang, Dibombari, Garoua, Nkambe, Kumba, and so on. Mechanised agriculture, that was announced with the famous caterpillars that greenery invaded, is yet to arrive. Farm-to-market roads are not existent. So, food rots in the forest due to no means of transport. Basic food stuffs have recorded price hikes as a result of increase in transport charges caused by fuel hikes.

In terms of infrastructure, the second bridge on the Wouri is under construction. The ‘Immeuble de la mort’ that people said the railway line will destroy is the new beauty in the skies of Yaounde. The Kribi deep sea port is 80 percent completed. The Lom Pangar and Menkim Dams are under construction. In fact, Cameroon is a major construction site. The Douala International Airport was refurbished, but just a few days back, a fire outbreak swallowed a portion of it - and the losses were estimated in millions.

Paul Biya got a new wife during his 32 years in power. In 1994, Dimako-born 43-year-old Chantal Biya Pulchérie Vigouroux got married to Paul. Daughter of French expatriate and late Miss Doumé, a pageant winner, Rosette Ndongo Mengolo.

The first lady, Jeanne Irène Biya, was called to the Lord aged 57. On July 30 1992, the nation was shocked when Cameroon Tribune, published as its lone headline, “Madame est morte” (First Lady dies). The newspaper’s cover price was FCFA 150 then. Chantal, as Enanga calls her all the time, created the Chantal Biya Foundation, the International Reference Centre. And recently, the status of the latter was changed to a semi-public establishment. African Synergy was also the hand work of Chantal Biya. The first lady even created the Chantal Biya schools. Many have been built around the country.

Language wise, you need no spyglass to know that the English Language is, in itself, a second class citizen. Paul has always refused to pronounce prime time speeches in English. Peter Essoka, according to many Francophones is the Head of State of English speaking Cameroonians. During the Commonwealth Parliamentary Assembly, Biya sent chills down the spines of many by reading a speech in French before the Queen’s people. During the 52 (Re)Unification celebrations he did same. In Bamenda, Biya was not threatened by the gazing eyes of the Chairman.

Official documents in Cameroon are published in one language. Laws and Decrees find translations years after. Ministers speak the English language like palmwine tappers. Some totally avoid speaking the language and our journalists resort to voice over.

The translations too leave much to be desired. Take the example of the Governor’s Office and SDO’s Office in Yaounde, this is what is written “Governor’s and Mfoundi Prefect’s Offices”. Also, the Taxation Office of the Centre Region it is written “Regional Taxation Center of Center I.”

The National Employment Fund in Kribi has, written on their notice board; “Locally Branch” instead of ‘Local’. It is true, it is not the responsibility of the President of the Republic to ensure translations but, there is a ‘but’. The lone national bilingual daily has 10 percent English content. The 95-year-old Nfon Mukete had pulled Marie Claire Nana’s ears in this regard.

In sports, it has been a tale of the good, the bad and the ugly. Between 1982 and 2014, the Indomitable Lions have had 27 coaches. In that same period, the French and English have had 10. In 1990, Paul Biya was the proudest man on earth when his Lions beat Maradonna’s Argentina in the opening match of the World Cup. Cameroon went on to reach the quarter-finals. In 1994, the experience was bitter, people remember the Agbor Hans and Salenko battle.

The 1998, 2002, 2010 and 2014 World Cup editions are those to forget about. In 1984, 1988, 2000, 2002, Biya laid hands on four African Cups. In the year 2000 Biya touched the gold medal of the Sydney Olympics. In 2004 and 2008, Francoise Mbango was received by Biya for her two Olympic gold medals.

Under Biya, Stadiums have been earmarked but even the foundations were not laid. Recently, Limbe was given one. Others are under construction. Under Biya, Cameroon has never hosted the African Nations Cup. Biya won the bid to host the 2019 edition and the 2016 female version. Sports, under Biya have been a success, but in terms of infrastructure, there is nothing to show off for.

Hence, if I was Biya’s head teacher, his report card would be all red with a few blue marks, and at the bottom left, I will remark; fair, could do better.