The Public Service in Cameroon is very user-unfriendly. Not only are the central services packed with tribalistic and egocentric civil servants, but also very lax.

Sixty-seven-year- old and Bakingili born Ephraim Inoni, tried restoring order and discipline when he was PM, but he ran out of gas. EMIA graduates learn bad habits from school and practise them when on the field.

The public service has been characterised by wastage and bad habits. During the 2012 financial year, the State of Cameroon earmarked FCFA 26 billion 521 million for fuel, that is about FCFA 73 million per day. Meaning, if we take a litre to be FCFA 650, then, we would have 40,801,538 litres. Even oil-rich nations do not drink that much fuel.

Much money is wasted on the purchase of brand new vehicles and they are not properly used. These cars are used by civil servants to go to their villages, visit their girlfriends in remote neighbourhoods and do shopping during non-working hours. In 2009, Anong Abidime, who was then Minister of State Property, tried to sanction civil servants who violated the law, he was immediately evicted from Government.

Recruitments into the public service are done on the basis of tribalism and not competence. And the result is glaring. In SONARA, the Bassa language is the third official language. The new Ministry of Public Contracts is packed with Muslims.

Elections in Cameroon are another area where Mvondo demonstrated astuteness of the highest order. The 1992 election was the turning point and the first of its kind. Fru Ndi won but did not. Biya gave himself 40 percent and gave Fru Ndi 36 percent - the nearest he ever came close.

The management of elections in Cameroon shifted hands as if it was a rejected coin in the market. MINATD tried its best, but, as usual, the winner was known even before the first vote was cast. Then NEO was born, yet nothing changed. The international community beeped Biya and he called back promising change. Then came the Electoral Code that was passed in Parliament.

Ayah almost ran out of the Glass House trouser-less like Archimedes, not for discovering a law, but because he smelled a dead rat in the Electoral Code. He tried tirelessly to convince his brothers East of the Mungo, but to no avail. He cried like a baby that denied breast milk and was rather proposed fufu-corn.

ELECAM was thereby formed. ELECAM tested its skills with the organisation of the Senatorial election. We all saw the sham. Fon’s in the Northwest Region used their veto power to threaten voters. ‘Jujus’ that came out on rare occasions were released to threaten voters and some Fons went to the extent of removing their clothes for voters to take oaths on their navels and vote according to Fondom prescriptions.

As for the Municipal and Legislative elections, go and ask Maurice Kamto. He will explain to you how fraud was practised in Yaounde in broad day light. Not to talk about polling stations in military barracks where guns were pointing at you as you were voting. In Mezam, their strategy was fine-tuned. When you left the polling booth you had to present proof that you voted for the party of flames and you sign your money sent from Yaounde.

In January 2014, Pr. Tetanye Ekoe, Chair of the Order of Medical Doctors, stated that the doctor-patient ratio in Cameroon is one doctor to 40,000 inhabitants, and in places like the Far North and East Regions, it is one doctor to 50,000 inhabitants. So, if we divide 40,000 per year, the doctor will have to consult 109 patients at least per day, including Sundays.

Doctors flee for greener pastures. Hospitals are poorly equipped. Mama Fouda has much to cover in the field of health. Antiretroviral drugs sometimes become rare like ‘congo meat’ in the Far North Region. A few hospitals and health centres have been built but they are not enough. The Chinese even built a hospital in Douala where the writing on the walls were in French and Chinese. They probably discovered how English was maltreated in Cameroon and decided to follow the rhythm.

AIDS and HIV are gradually been tamed. Malaria is still a public health issue. Immunisation campaigns are regularly organised, and are free of charge. Medical training in the country has been formatted by the Ministries and bodies concerned. Butchers are gradually being kicked out of the profession. Dr. Georges Ebwelle and his team have been providing health care to rural areas for free. Hope many Dr Ebwelles follow that example.

During Biya’s 32 years, water and energy resources were as scarce as hen’s teeth, but alcohol was available in huge quantities. Even in areas with no roads, you can find the best champagnes. When late Ateba Eyene said Cameroonians drank 600 million litres of alcohol in 2012, which is equivalent to the River Sanaga, people yelled ‘scandal’. Just imagine Cameroonians on the banks of the River Sanaga with cups, drinking to their fill.

SONEL changed to AES and now ENEO. They may change the name as much as they want, but all we need is energy. The situation is even worse in 2014, the only good thing now is the price to obtain a metre. Yellow-skinned Atangana Kouna left CAMWATER for the Ministry of Energy and Water Resources without any significant change.

While countries are celebrating years of uninterrupted energy supply, we celebrate a week of uninterrupted energy supply, if that even exists. The Yoke dam is a shadow of itself. Most divisions and subdivisions in Cameroon are named after water bodies (Menchum, Mezam, Nyong, Djerem, Kadey), but there is neither water nor energy. How come?

Essos in Yaounde has the highest number of bars a street can have. Beer business flourishes in Cameroon like fish in fresh water. Prostitution in Cameroon has graduated with a First Class Degree. Visit the Mini Ferme neighbourhood in Yaounde at night and you will see wonders: 6-inch skirts, breasts pouring out of bras, voluptuous lulus.

Carrefour condom in Bonamoussadi is not any different. Students pay their fees thanks to ‘bedmatics’. Mind you, prostitution is prohibited by the law, but lawyers and magistrates are the first customers. They practise the law in bed. Inertia, corruption, embezzlement, abuse of power, nepotism and tribalism are all national sports. Needless to say Biya is forming a Government in Kondengui. Ministers have large stomachs like ‘pepper soup’ pots.

Driver’s licences are bought at the Ministry of Transport. Documents are issued against remuneration. Police officials have graduated from FCFA 500 to FCFA 1,000, after all, their bosses ask for more. You can certify a document in Cameroon without the original, as long as you have the monetary power. The official language in ministries in Yaounde is ‘Ewondo’.

Retired civil servants die before their pension ever starts flowing. Administrative bottle necks demoralise the small workers. The minimum wage was increased after fuel prices hiked, but the minimum wage is still a joke. The economic crisis of the 1990s is far gone, but the hunger crisis was just yesterday.

SDOs and DOs abuse their power, as for Governors, it is routine. Go and ask Okalia what that truck driver did to him to merit the fate he suffered. Police officials sell fiscal stamps for FCFA 1,200 instead of FCFA 1,000.

When you enter government offices, you find secretaries put their fungi-plagued toes on the table. They have mirrors in their offices as if it was their dressing room. Laxity galore. Birth certificates are issued by any quack in the neighbourhood, so long as he can sign and stamp.